What an unproductive Sunday.

I’m so disappointed in myself.

 

I have not practised cello for 2 days.
My essay is just 1/4 done.

How ill-disciplined.

 

My brain just refused to do anything now, though my heart is urging it to.

Why can’t the both of them ever cooperate.

_________________

 

Today pastor talked about something which I have been thinking about recently, ie waiting.

W = Withstand (holding on to your ground in the face of extreme pressure)

A = Anticipate (Expectation is the atmosphere for miracles!)

I = Intercede (Pray and not lose heart)

T = Trust (Acknowledge the lordship of God)

 

I guess in this fast-paced society, nobody likes to wait. We all want instant gratification.

However, waiting is so essential and a phase everyone has to go through to achieving anything great.

I came up with an analogy a few years ago – the Little Mermaid analogy! =))) Remember how she had to wait until she was at the right age to ‘see the world’? Hearing her sisters blabbered on the wonderful things they saw didn’t help at all.

Still she HAD TO wait. If you remember the ending, it was certainly a worthwhile wait.

 

Waiting also trains us to trust in God’s timing. He is never too early and never too late. Time is in His hands. :)

However, it doesn’t mean that we should just sit around and wait for the promises. Faith is a verb, it is never passive.

So keep doing what it takes to achieve our dreams while waiting patiently for them to come to past. =)

My dad promised to buy me an iPhone next week!!! It’s so timely as my current phone is starting to get cranky now, though I like it a lot.

I’m just thinking if someone like me would need such a phone. I hardly even use my phone, much to the frustration of many when they try to reach me. I think. And I can’t imagine having to charge my phone every day when I only do it once every 3 days now.

 

 

Anyway, shortly after being exhilarated upon hearing the news, someone angered me.

He was staring at me, looking darn frustrated like I did something wrong? I stared right back at him, until he looked away.

What a/an _______. 

If your conscience is clear, you do not have to be afraid of anything or anyone. There resides in you a kind of boldness, a quiet confidence, a come-what-may attitude.

 

 

Oh and I really like African songs!!!!!

The Africans are exceptionally awesome!

They exude a kind of rawness and genuineness that make me very happy. I like their unpretentiousness too =)

It makes me smile just listening to them. =)))

Music right out of the heart =)

It was such a relief submitting my politics essay =) But I doubt I will do well.

I’d say it’s rather demoralising at times in university when you look at your results, think back on your past results in previous schools and wonder what the hell happened to you.

 

Gave myself a little treat earlier by watching a chick-flick – When In Rome.

Wahaha it’s so funny, easy on the brain with average typical love story plot. I’d give 3.5/5

The main actor looks good at first and kinda normal subsequently but vice versa for the actress.

I find unassuming-looking guys the most attractive, like you know there is much more in them than the way they look.

 

Hmmm I know I probably shouldn’t even think of that 4-letter word now that my Sociology essay is crying out to me. However, regarding matters of the heart, it clings on to you day and night until you address them.

And I probably wouldn’t say it here.

But I know God knows because He’s the only one whom I tell everything to… Regarding that.

Alone @ Central Library.
It’s the most popular library in NUS, I don’t know what’s so fascinating about it. Hate the little shuffling noises made by the masses. I’m here only because I need some books for politics essay reference…

Dateline’s tomorrow.

I’m always confused between “deadline” and “dateline”. I don’t yet know which is right. It means the same thing anyway.

After submitting, I’d have to start on my Medical Sociology essay which I have no idea if I can complete it in time.

Deadline’s next Wednesday.

 

Some of the essays I wrote deserve to be torn and burnt.

 

___________

Walking on an endless road, guided by an imaginary destination.

Alone @ Music Library attempting to do my politics essay.

 

Life has been kinda routined now. Things I do daily – Going to school, do some schoolwork after school, practise cello and some piano at home. =)

It’s easy to form a general equation

My life = Church + School + Music

Hehe simple, but enough to keep me occupied every day and agonised some days.

It has been like that for the longest time and I love it =)))

 

I have nothing to talk about now, just feeling pleasantly joyous for no particular reason. I’m even smiling now as I type =))))

Who cares? I have the right to smile whenever I feel like Haha.

And perhaps I should tryyy to refrain myself from getting overly and unnecessarily excited over the littlest of things, like I sometimes do hahaha.

It's hard not to get pessimistic sometimes with all the negativity around.

Just flip the papers...
Especially the recent hype on cheating?

And personal experiences where guys hit on you, acting desperate and all? And the next thing you know, they are attached to another girl? It's baffling.

But good for them. And me.

My bro made it compulsory for my future bf to have to pass through him first lol... I don't know how he's gonna do it, but I think guys are better in reading another guy's intentions? That's what bro is for! =)))

Few days ago, I was talking to my aunt on FaceBook and she was telling me how men can't be trusted?? I think that's a sweeping and unfair statement and of course I disagree with that. And... Men are not all the same. -_-

Whoever came up with that?


But it does make me feel like I have to be extra cautious.



Anyway... My aunt was an air stewardess many years ago and she'd buy me magnets from the countries she went. During our FB conv, she actually suggested me to become an air stewardess for 2 years after I graduate?

The thought is extremely tempting I'd say. Free travelling around the world + allowances given. However, it's never my calling/desire to be one. So I won't deviate.

Gotta FOCUS... Everything I do must be driven by a sense of purpose and passion, I don't like me to do things half-heartedly. Doesn't mean I don't, but I don't like it when I do.

Microbiology Test

I passed. Good enough cos I dislike that dead boring module. What am I supposed to do with all the microbe names that I remember?

I admit I didn't put in much effort to study for that. I don't see why I should when I'd probably forget after a few days? So what's the point... The result?

 

 

My bro promised to buy me a nice jacket if my CAP increases this semester! Hehehehe. At least something to look forward to and work for. =)))

Dead modules suddenly come alive. :)

Music Theory Exam

Yesterday's theory exam was the worst one ever since 'A' level. I used up the full 3 hours and it was so mentally grueling I had to stone for 1.5 hours after that to recover.

I had about about 0.5hour to tidy up my paper and complete blanks which I left out. It was agonising questioning and scaring myself unnecessarily as I double-checked my work. But I know I really did the best I knew how...

Result will probably be out in 2-3 weeks. I hope not to let my teacher down =(

Next up, I will be starting on my piano practical exam pieces and stuff. I dunno if I have the time to practise well. But yea I must trust my teacher. =)


~~~
Psychology Exam

Just saw my Psychology test result... I think it's not too bad... Quite happy with it. =) I'm going to skip Psych tutorial and lecture tomorrow. =) Not due to complacency (as what I'd like to think) but because they are not value for time.

~~~

Daphne's Housewarming

Great celebration for end of music exam and every other things. I have never drunk so much alcohol in my whole life and I got super cranky haha. Now I slightly understand why people like to drink their sorrow away.

You get an instant high and escape from reality.

For a while...

Maybe even that little while is worthwhile in a midst of disarray.


~~~

Movie with Orchestra

We watched "Nodame Cantabile" which is an orchestral show. They played Bach No.1 in D minor! A piece we last performed at VCH. Brought back memories of Sofi playing on the piano and fulfilling her dream, and me struggling to get the notes right on my cello.

I love that piece...

The movie also depicts life of a musician. The kinda mental agony of reaching a point where you almost want to give up, where dreams seem far-fetched, where there is always someone better than you, where all eyes are on you... And you screw up.

But there resides something greater in you - a burning passion, a secret desire.

Which keeps you going, even if it means you have to drag along the shackles on your feet, being a laughing stock, being demeaned.


~~~

Plans for next week

1) Start my sociology essay.
2) Practise my cello everyday
3) Time to return for orchestra prac

It was a great Friday night! Felt darn happy like being released from 3 weeks of bondage. It was that bad.

Since CNY we have conquered 3 essays and 2 tests. =)

And later, my music theory exam. FINALLY. =) Quite excited about it.

Upcoming up: 2 more essays within next 3 weeks.


Just do LOR... Since they like it so much.


~~~

Anyway, I suppose many people are rather put off by the media fuss over the latest scandal. I had only read one article online and can't be bothered with the rest.

I mean... Don't you ALREADY know most of what are reported are false? Unless of course I'm reeaaalllly bored and have nothing better to do, then maybe I'll read. Which is rare, and I kinda miss that feeling haha. Or rather miss having nothing better to do. =P

I think there ought to be some regulation in the media? Someone (reliable) to verify the reports? Otherwise I'd think it's all thrash. Like in our essays, whatever that we write has to be referenced from a trusted source. It's tedious but at least the reader knows there is SUBSTANCE in whatever we write (hopefully =P).

It makes me think of the difference between local journalism and paparazzi? And I'm still confused.

I think perhaps future news should be written more OBJECTIVELY instead? Many times, life is dramatic enough. If it's not, then it's probably not a big deal and they can save the trouble by not publishing.

And I don't wanna spend my few cents reading about what they think about an issue, I don't even know them and unless they do something to what they think, they are just cheap words.





PS: This is an extremely biased perspective from someone who has little knowledge about the media and how it works. Hence some of the statements might be extreme, but it's all only my opinion, so there's no wrong or right, right? =)

One more essay and we can finally take a short breather. =) It’s a nice feeling having to conquer each obstacle with my friends. Like we’re all in it together. =)

 

Life has been too dramatic recently. It must have been God’s grace which brought me through. I wonder how much pressure can one possibly withstand? Studies aside.

I have been greatly misunderstood. My intentions for ____ has never been of evil, but I was treated with revolt. It hurts, so I departed silently.

Sometimes I wish I had a more normal life with less tears and fears  around me. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side? We can’t have the best of both worlds.

Having said that, I am still contended with the patch of grass I am standing on. At least there are some really green blades. =)

 

Man may fail us, but God never fails. Gotta learn to give thanks in all things. =)

My appetite has shrunk tremendously ever since CNY. Or even before.

I sometimes eat just for the sake of eating. This is quite bad huh…

 

I can somewhat understand why my cancer patients always leave their food untouched, no matter how appetizing they look.

Some chemo drugs produce a metallic taste in your mouth, and nothing tastes good. Some make you nauseous even with the little that you eat.

Sometimes they are so depressed, food is the last thing on their mind and others just want to rest.

 

However, food is especially crucial to boost recovery, so this is a big concern for us. 

What then can nurses do to encourage them to eat?

I’m sure every nurse has their own method somehow. Maybe.

From the littlest experience I have, I find being with them while they eat will actually subconsciously make them eat more. It is best if we can sit beside them and talk to them while they eat.

That is just a super ideal method which unfortunately is kinda unrealistic in view of the amount of (paper) work we have to do.

It boils down to this question

What is the essence of nursing?

Most nurses would say “To care.” But take a look, how much have we deviated from that? That nursing has become a technical and mechanical job.

I think the healthcare here is not holistic enough. We may have excellence in terms of physical care and cure, what about the other components which make up the totality of a person’s health - their psychological, emotional and spiritual needs?

I read from an article which says that the spiritual need is most crucial for a terminally-ill patient.

Which makes sense.

“I know I am dying, I don’t need more pricks and tests. I need some assurance as to where I will be going after this.”

“The doctor told me there’s no cure for my disease. Can you just pray for me?”

(Some thoughts I conjured up, which may be possible scenarios.)

 

So… The other 3 neglected components are my main concerns regarding the healthcare system in Singapore. Physical health wise, I think we are good.

That’s why I hope to be able to bring music into the hospitals to hopefully make it more ‘whole’.

A place without music feels incomplete and empty! :) The atmosphere in hospitals can definitely afford to liven up by a notch.

 

 

I am darn good in digressing. From appetite to music hahaha. Everything can be linked to music! =P It’s on my mind all the time, every day.

Apart from the overwhelming schoolwork, I wanna talk about something more light-hearted =)

That flirting and sugar-coated words don’t work for me! Totally. I may feel flattered maybe, but not impressed.

I think it’s unnecessary to try so hard, girls know and can see through you, though they might of course not reveal it. Ha.

 

 

 

Having said that, I wish he’d try harder… I’m too blind to see sometimes…

Or maybe I’ve been deliberately refraining myself from reading too much into things, lest it’s all the work of my incredible imagination..

Ever felt like this before? Like your heart and mind are telling you different things and you don’t know which to agree to?

Like the best thing to do is to “wait and see how it goes”?

And of course P.U.S.H (pray until something happens =P)

 

Sometimes doing seemingly nothing is the most difficult thing to ‘do’.

 

 

Ok it’s not very light-hearted at all. =/

There is a purpose in everything that I do. Or at least I know why I am doing things.

But not for school.

It seems meaningless sometimes, I am just not use to it? It’s just a big waste of time.

I’m referring to modules which make me memorise and regurgitate for the mere  sake of it (particularly the test coming up – Microbiology). Pick anyone in the street and they can do it too.

That’s what I think.

What is so impressive about that?

Does that make me more intelligent in any way?

 

We have tests all the time, and we don’t know our mistakes because we don’t ever get our papers back but instead an alphabet.

Is that what learning is all about?

Everyone’s merely going through the motion right? Or maybe just me…

 

I know I always talk about my school system!!! Cos it’s disturbing. It conflicts with my values and I need to vent out.

And now that I have done so, I need to get back to memorising for my test.

Booo

I'm scared...

Like something's gonna happen...